a brand new me

2005-09-10T18:04:00.000+08:00

i'm throwing this into the bin.
probably wun update till who knows when.
not in the mood to update.
a lot of reasons.
blah blah blah.
wadever.
i'm not having another blog,juz not updating this.

great

2005-09-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

that's just great.frm who knows when it started,ipod mini is no longer available on the market.at least after the stocks are cleared.great.just great.its prices will drop like hell.again.here comes the new ipod nano which is SO incrediblely slim.sigh.apple sucks.

2005-08-20T13:08:00.000+08:00

it's pouring right nw.sian.no matter hw will gt wet.stupid.hope it stops when i go out.dunno if wad we predicted will happen.90% chance ba..from the analysis of the particular character.bet it will.sigh.reluctant.

sian

2005-08-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

feel v tired...realli feel lyk quitting everything and leaving everything behind.....run off somewhere quiet to slack..wait till the day i feel fine enough to come back...lyk i cn do that.sigh.juz a dream.

dread

2005-08-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

i dread tmr's talk.i dread the arrival of september.i dread chem.i dread physics.i dread band.

ytd i had a horrible dream..i dreamt that during band prac i shouted till my voice was hoarse,until i couldn speak at all..and no one was listening..they were scuttling around like rats...how horrific is that...in the end...my hands were at my throat and i was crying like mad....i dunno why i had that dream...its.......i really hope it doesn happen.

i dont want september to arrive.its childish i noe.we cant stop time.but i cant think of any other way to stop "the thing" from happening.i thought it would only happen next year.suddenly,boom,it happens.i really dont get parents.how could they.children have human rights too,cant they make their own choices?you seem to be throwing something around.i dont get it.i really dont.this equals to adoption.almost.if the person were you adults,wont you feel hurt?unable to make your own choices and being treated like a puppet.i feel really sad.sad about it.I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN!I WANT THINGS TO STAY AS IT IS!pls...i dont want her to go.

tmr is the weekly talk.i dunno how am i suppose to talk.i dont know what i am going to say."oh,nothing happened last wk and hi!".fat hope of that happening.is there a way to get out of it....?its not like i'm heartless or anything but for goodness's sake,he hurt my feelings,ok?!he made it out like i'm an ungrateful bitch or something.god.

i think i'm getting paranoid and oversensitive and all that shit.maybe it'll all add up to depression.did a personality test supposedly by experts online...pretty true ba..said i'm a blue person who always likes to think too much and all...it advised me to just be myself.it also said that i'm acting like i dont care about everything but actually,i do care about everything,its just that i'm deceiving myself.like "out of sight,out of mind".that's true.sigh.avoiding things is the easiest way out,i suppose.but it doesn seem so to others.i think i'm becoming very odd.even i think that myself, what about others?they probably think i'm raving mad or something,laughing at one time and the whole pissed off face at another.i dont know.i dont know how to face somethings and some people.i just cant let go.i'm becoming more and more like a hermit.i think i'm going mad.mad.starking mad.

i dont know who i can rely on.everything has changed.sometimes what i feel is at the tip of my tongue,ready to slide out.but my crazy mind has the lunatic idea that spitting it out is wrong,so down it goes again.so it acumulates and acumulates till i feel like vomiting them all out.i'm scared of showing my "true colours".i'm scared of people being judgemental.i'm scared of my own insecurities.i'm a coward.

sometimes i just feel i'm nobody in people's eyes.i'm invisible sometimes.i can be like beside someone but people will just say hi to the person.even if i know the person.iit hurts my self-esteem.stab stab stab.shut up.i'm a lunatic.i dont even get myself.let alone others.

madness

2005-08-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

stupid de.two times in two days.break record.normally a few months oso dun hav 1 time de.this sucks.gt scolded 4 nth.lyk i'm a useless gd-4-nth who onli relies on her parents.n dun even mention abt cancelling my hp line,reducing my allowance n sending off my notebook.i'll rather smash my notebook on the ground then hand it over.at least i'll get back the hard disk.it contains too much things le.wtfwtfwtf.its nt my prob at all.its someone's own assumption n the damn wide generation gap n lack of communication.wad u expect?hw many yrs le?lyk i will/cn tell u wad happens everyday in my TEENAGE life.be thankful that i didn get into drugs or anything bad.(juz letting off steam.nt planning on doing anything of that sort.)

damned pissed.questioning my ability as a sister is one thing.saying hurtful things which i didn do at all thus hurting my ego is another thing.MY IDOLS ARE COMPLETELY ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER!i wouldn put them in front of my family, for god's sake.y did u have 2 pull them into the topic!

if u say i dun understand u,y nt ask urself if u understand me.i'm nt the little girl i was which u think i am.we're nt kids relying on u all for everything anymore.we hav our own decisions and things to do.if u think school is easy,try it urself.the social school hiarachy is nothing lyk before.its nt as simple as u think it is.school work isn easy anymore.

沮喪

2005-08-07T21:41:00.001+08:00

i think ppl wun b able 2 c this entry cuz i'll b using chinese traditional 2 type...it'll come out as a messed up code..

忽然感到很沮喪...起伏太大...情緒一只起起落落，一下子高興得要死，一下子卻又跌到谷底.不知道爲什麽我會這樣.很累，很不喜歡這樣的我.我不想再這樣下去.壓力很大.責任更大.什麽都落在我頭上，什麽都是我的錯.算了，我認命了吧，一切的一切的是我的錯，都是我的錯... .... .... ...

沮喪

2005-08-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

all of a sudden

2005-08-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

suddenly find myself v eccentric.suddenly find that i'm gg mad.suddenly realised that i'm nth at all.suddenly juz feel lonesome.

escaping frm the reality doesn help at all.it will always catch up w/ u, swifter and stronger den ever each time with twice the impact. all i wanna do is run away.away frm everything.stop acting like an idiot.dun wanna go between split personalities-moody and completely raving mad. forcing out a smile when i dun even feel lyk it. acting dumb.detaching from ppl.gg further n further without knowing where i'm moving.wanna settle into a comfortable space when i cn juz b myself.myself.without pretense.anymore.

sch carnival

2005-07-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

today was quite fun..we were late in the morning...dilly-dallying...didn care..had a busy day..legs aching lyk hell....aft the carnival went 2 talk..haha..basically had a real interesting day...tot of something on the way home..what a gr8 diff. between the same time last yr n this yr...both in people n things ba..some hav distanced themselves while others have gotten closer..its evident.dun wish 2 elaborate further.waste of breath again.

EUPHONIUM MODEL

2005-07-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

I GOT MY FIRST PRESENT OF THE DAY!!!haha...normally i wouldn be so siao de...but its cuz is my SIS give de!!!!!!!euphonium model~~~~=)=)=)...so happy...

to vanezz:hey...thanks for your present~!haha....although i cant get the real thing...its nice to hav a model of it!thx a lot~i noe u've been saving ur money for ages in case there r things u wanna buy so i really appreciate it that u bought something for me...=) [psst,btw,u dun remove price tag oso nvm,i noe.haha~] [ps: hope u dun puke aft reading this!hahaha]

my birthday~

2005-07-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

haha...today's my birthday....liddat say like very bhb liddat..bt nvm...i wish myself a happy birthday..haha..hope that i will b happy...dun think so much..ya...n many more..dun elaborate..hope that i won't be so pessimistic...yada..hope i'll be more happy-go-lucky...if i was given a wish on my birthday...i would wish that all the people around me would be happy.

preaching

2005-07-23T13:26:00.000+08:00

sigh.....suddenly tot of suddenly while crapping w/ zirui ytd...沒有意義的眼淚是沒有價值的..[tears without meaning have no value at all]..dunno y i tot of that...it suddenly popped up in my mind...*gg on preacher mode*...dots...tot abt quite a lot of things during the meaningless chinese lessons this wk..created some stupid quotes...scribbled here n there on my chinese txtbk...this wk keep on kena scolded by her.for god's sake,she gt ask us if we wanna help a nt?ask herself la..insulted the whole class lo..sry lo,our class is nt that dumb as she thinks we juz dun bother 2 ans her qns.say abt her will gt all agitated.hmph.anyway,i wanna b the last few 2 sit down.juz dun feel lyk ans her qns.anyway,she's a damn biased monster.bleh.mayb u may say that i'm childish bt wadever.juz dun lyk her.hmph.

bruise

2005-07-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

today morn woke up n banged my upper back on the bed frame.clever me.onli felt the pain nw.think it hurt my the back of my rib...dunno which one..anyway,it aches..my own stupid doing..sigh.

eh..

2005-07-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

today finally gt the letter 2 make ic...bt start onli on 28th.....hw??mayb hafta go by myself....sigh...aft ytd..things seem 2 b looking up..a lil.at least its nt so bad nw.sometimes i ask myself,y is my immune system so damn gd??i'm nt cursing myself or anything,bt i realli nd a long rest.tired.well,i'll stop procrastinating or i'll b wasting my time at the 7 habits thing..yada yada yada....today was nt bad...quite slack...missed 1/2 of chi lit again due 2 band..shiok.aft that was eng..crapping away..physics?dun recollect much of it..onli the last 20mins of talking ba..only rmb wad happened aft sch.anyway,the listening was lyk..dunno..felt groggy due to the nap b4 it...too tired...play classical music somemore..although the music was quite nice..the teacher gave me an unbelievable look when she saw my ezlink.i asked her if i looked that different.she replied,"ya,quite different."(translated from chinese)...dots....

stupid gossipmongers

2005-07-10T18:53:00.000+08:00

saw a webpage that made me v angry n sad...y do some ppl hav nth better 2 do?y muz they make up things that nv were?y muz they spread things that nv happened?y muz they use those cheap n dirty words 2 describe them?seeing the remarks that ppl made abt S.H.E....sigh...feel damn sad....those perverts.bastards!wad would they think if ppl said those things abt them?would they feel happy?angry n saddened beyond words.....

munch munch

2005-07-10T12:40:00.000+08:00

nw eating maggi hotcup...curry flavour de...haha..added baby corn n ham 2 it....ok lo...*munch munch,crunch crunch*..lazy cook ma....mum go out w/ frenz....sian...gt so much hmwk...bt dun feel lyk doing...feel lyk writing....stories,poems etc....mayb i will....l8r ba...nw thinking about hw i am supposed 2 find all the "popcorn" section in zaobao....think my mum put them all in the recycle bag le...dots.....the maths test last wk...die liao lo....sigh...if i dun do well this term..i think my mum'll probably take back en002....i dun wan...sigh..

this week

2005-07-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

this week has been damn tiring..half the time i was dozing off in class..sigh...lack of slp...bad slping habits..late nights...bad studying habits...making me lyk a walking zombie...most of the time i didn really noe wad i was doing....anyway,will adjust..n change all the bad habits...sigh...my earphones r gonna die.....the right side always emits a zzzzz sound at the bass parts...sigh...gotta save up n buy headphones....dun really noe wad 2 say le...perhaps this wk i've been weird.....i dunno y...bt i'm really nt pissed off at anyone or anything..juz tired..so i'll talk in a damn sian manner.n,if i dun talk,that means that i cnt think of anything appropriate 2 say..so i juz shut my trap...in case i offend someone...

crazy

2005-07-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

i muz b mad.i dunno wad i was saying ytd.

...

2005-07-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

into a state of depression n feeling withdrawn again.dun wanna feel this way.feel lyk shit.feel lyk thumping my head on the wall.lyk real.nt really.juz feel lyk clearing up the tots in my hate.is it normal to think so much?y cnt i juz let go.it's lyk a horrible nightmare acting up everynw n then.i feel fatigued dealing w all the crap in front of me.eyesores.lots of them.sometimes i dun even noe wad i am doing.trying to spite myself.act as if nth happens inside me.acting as if i dunno everything.ignoring the obvious.ignoring the hurt.ignoring everthing.the gaping hole nv closes.sometimes it closes a lil,onli to open up even further.someday,it'll juz take me w it,leaving me insane.trying so hard 2 voice out wad i feel inside.cnt.splitting headache.whenever i wish to open my mouth,i'm afraid that word vomit will act up n i'll spill everything.whether i wish to say them or nt.i have to consider the options n consequences of that.so i'll juz shut up.by n by,i hav developed a disorder of some kind.dunno hw 2 say them to others so i'll juz hafta blog.

completely disappointed.tot it wun happen again but it did.guess i was deceiving myself.it's hard,but essential.its not worth the energy.lyk the ball theory i had.if u bounce a ball against a wall,it will only bounce back to hit u right in the face.if u try it again n again,it will hurt more n more,till the point where u juz break down.hw i would lyk 2 hav someone to talk to me right nw at this time.nw.this very minute.someone who understands n advises.i'm feeling really helpless right nw,honestly.i dun really noe wad i am doing or thinking or typing n i dun really noe if i'll regret typing this entry.i hope i'm nt getting depression.

tired out

2005-07-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

so tired..bet i could fall asleep once my head touches the pillow..gotta tahan a lil while..sigh..ms seah gg back 2 nie liao..so sad..bt luckily she still gt giv us her hp no. lo..so nt so bad..been thinking since the talk in tinderbox..how nice if i could get a degree in writing..although there will be restrictions in my employment..but at least i'll be free frm my maths and physics nightmare.anyway,i think i'll juz think abt the olevels 4 nw.read something that made me feel utterly disgusted.dun understand why the person can write a load of completely crappy pessimistic,self-pitying shit to make herself feel worse.the most untolerable thing is,the person of her admiration is just so...dots..cn only say that "love" really is blind.pui.

a hint of displeasure at some matters.nt impt so threw them out of my mind.wad 4.ppl dun giv me respect.fine.same here.

had some gr8 laughs during the discussion for chinese oral..mian bao chao ren!!haha.

stage fright

2005-06-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

today was quite a bad day.gt drenched in the rain.only discovered that i got the flu now.stupid me.damn slow reaction.probably because i rarely get sick.
english lesson was a disaster.made a big fool of myself.i don't know why i acted that way.nervous like hell.today was the worse case of stage fright i got since like,pri 2?that time i cried when the teacher asked me to sing something.that's hw bad the stage fright is.sigh.i wonder when i can overcome it.today was so damn humiliating and disappointing.i could have done so much better.sigh.my legs and hands were shaking like hell.my voice went into depths that i didn know.sounded like a guy,for god's sake.those words that i could pronounce usually just couldn come out up there.i sounded monotone i think.stammered through the whole damn speech.in all,i was a failure.
anyway,after the humiliating incident,it was on to history.yes,boring history.i doubt anyone was listening to mrs rajah rattling on.pity her for that.anyway,i just read the later chapters and talked to siti and tsuhui as i had nothing better to do.
maths was hilarious.mrs tan seemed more cheerful after the holidays.don't know why.but i hope this continues."monday,eh,tuesday,eh,friday".haha.
after school stayed back to repay my favour to tsuhui.beeteng and me bought a bag of banana chips and walked up to the third floor by the science block to find yingpeng,munching and talking on the way.missed her.she went home le.sigh.felt so sorry about that.then returned to the canteen to talk some more.when we couldn stand the smelly bleach/chlorine solution used to wipe the tables,we went to the logs.met siti on the way.and heard something i thought i would never hear from my friend.all i can say is "see no evil;hear no evil;think no evil".haha.nc-16.changed a little bit from the original one.crapped and gossiped a little.siti helped me say something i wanted to say long ago to ms choa.haha.tsuhui came prancing to the logs a while later.talked even more.basked in the comfy atmosphere of some of the friends i can trust.not as tiring as having to put up a front.wonder when we can have sessions like this again.qidai-ing.
today's experience taught me a lesson.i really have to build up my confidence and speak up loudly in front of people.whether i know them well or not.my skin will have to grow thicker.
i hate stress and responsibilities.i want to regain my life as a slacker in school.not in grades,but in other activities.it seems inreachable and so impossible.can anyone just play along with me and let me drown in only the happiness of pressure-free rest just for a minute?just a minute..
i have to be with people who are natural to be natural,to be myself.people with a mask on?i'll just do the same.

so long never type so much le.so huai nian.recently got to know a little more about some people around me.found out that being myself isn that bad.but i am myself.i was myself then,i am myself now.it all depends on people's perspective.i was confused about whether i was myself a while back but now after thinking it over,i think that i have changed with the circumstances and the surroundings.but i'm still myself.one day,i will be comfortable in my own skin.some day.

comfortable

2005-06-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

i dun wish 2 do anything that makes me feel awkward n uncomfortable.i dun wanna feel compelled.

apologies

2005-06-28T14:50:00.000+08:00

i apologise if i hav done something wrong...i dunno if wad i saw was right...bt i tot i saw a flash of hurt in ur eyes when i did that...i'm sry.i didn mean 2 do that.really.sigh..perhaps u were right.it's better 2 be straight forward sometimes.bt nt everytime.our environment doesn allow that.some ppl juz cnt accept it.anyway,i dun understand y the cause of the drastic change in me doesn understand y.sometimes,being urself aint an easy task.

disappointed

2005-06-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

a yr has passed....unknowingly.....so fast...ha.bt nth has come out of it.suan le ba.it will nv happen.

so sad

2005-06-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

sigh~feel so sad....passed so long le...bt suddenly until the stepdown thingy.....den suddenly feel v v v v sad......dunno y.........so sad......*sobs*

invisible

2005-06-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

sigh~really quite surprised 2 c my name up there ba..didn expect...anyway,i've juz been slacking...basically acting invisible...haha......sometimes i'm actually online....juz that i dunno wad 2 say 2 everybody who's online...so i choose 2 appear offline......everyone's gg on hol....sad....i'm also gg lo...lyk always....bt....who would choose 2 go at the last wk of the hols???onli my mum.......everytime liddat....choose at inappropriate times.....bt i guess i shld b happy that i cn go ba.....sigh~feeling out of place...v long nv talk a lot le...everyday talk a lil bit onli.......or type type type......nv open my mouth.....sigh......nvm....i gt another outlet....haha...(decipher my meaning ba.bt i guess nobody will guess de la)...tmr th coming back le...haha...wonder she will buy anything??bt i think most probably will buy nougat de lo...most ppl go austrailia will buy de...dunno y....the thing is hard lyk hell....

no expression

2005-06-07T20:01:00.000+08:00

some ppl juz tend 2 hav a black face when they're expressionless.

haha.

2005-06-04T19:10:00.000+08:00

haha.a sarcastic laugh.i dunno whether 2 b happy or sad.nt really linking my heart 2 my mind nw.it will juz onli throw myself into a pit brimming w self pity so why bother?SELF-PITY.haha.i feel lyk laughing out loud.the power of those two miserable words.mocking people in their faces.it's really amazing wad it can do.wallowing in self pity doesn help.putting on a black face doesn help.nothing in the world can help unless u help urself.for god's sake,wake up.

tots.

2005-06-01T19:41:00.000+08:00

been thinking abt wad i really mean 2 ppl...frenz,family etc....nt having realli positive tots.

hmm..

2005-05-31T21:27:00.000+08:00

made up my mind 2 plaster my big mouth again...it was plastered last yr....till it came loose over time.....so i'm changing the old plaster......juz feel that i've been saying lots of things at inappropriate times and places...gotta change that bad habit somehow....*mutters*

passing remarks

2005-05-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

ok...no more passing remarks frm nw on...it onli gts me in trouble.perhaps its cuz i talk w/out thinking much ba.tuo kou er chu.muz restraint.or else i will make ppl unhappy by making stupid comments.worse,ppl actually take them seriously.

slacker...

2005-05-26T21:09:00.000+08:00

recently feel super sian when w/out frenz....feel stressed up....nt lyk de study de stress.....dunno hw 2 describe...juz stressed....i dun wanna feel liddat...y izzit so difficult 2 juz live the way u wan it...i onli wan a simple life.

in distress..?

2005-05-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

today gt out of the "lucky 5"(as yy calls it,cnt c anything lucky abt it cept the cca points)....nt sad or anytink....juz tired.its nt lyk i dun wanna cont 2 b a librarian.bt it's a thankless job that nobody appreciates the work that we put in.we sort scores,we print the scores,take i recommend etc.ask them put back still muz call dunno hw many times.n if they do,it's in a mess.i dunno wad 2 say.let's juz say that nw i dread band pracs lyk hw i hated piano lessons.it's a torture 2 me.it's nt the band pracs.it's the work involved.suddenly i hav a strong yearning 2 pon all further pracs.i dunno.i juz feel so........tired...sick.....i dun wish 2 end up in depression.i really hope that there will b ppl helping me asap.or i'm gonna drop dead.or quit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSUHUI!!!=)

2005-05-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

haha....com crashed last wk...reformatted it...so finally cn come up n blog le....nt really lyk gt things 2 blog....sigh....my results r lyk shit.........cnt help bt feel lyk i'm a failure....bt nvm.try 2 work harder nxt time ba.regret also no use le....

to siti:hey...take care....although i dun really noe wad's happening 2 u nowadays bt i juz wanna tell u that if u wanna talk 2 someone,u cn contact me,ya?mayb u might think that i'm nt really close 2 u nowadays...bt that's juz cuz we rarely hav the chance 2 chat n even if we hav,i dun really noe wad 2 say..i'm afraid that i might say the wrong things which might make u even more upset....anyway,juz cheer up!=) u've onli walked through the first 15yrs of ur life..u still have a long way ahead...dun dwell in the past...juz move on when it's time....(eh...i dunno if i'm saying the right things........)

to tsuhui:hey...hope u like my present...hehe...eh....dun really noe wad 2 say la...bt ur birthday ma....muz write something....eh...u're a nice person on the overall..(haha)...although v violent at times la....nth better 2 do den anyhw hit ppl....den i end up being ur sandbag.....everytime u angry @ oth ppl den i will kena de....T_T...haha...juz kidding....although it hurts physically,bt i dun really mind...cuz this shows that u trust me enuff with the words u say....haha...that's quite impt 2 me...cuz...u noe la....i'm so pessimistic...always tinks the worst of ppl....etc etc etc....juz means that i treasure our frenship alot lo....eh...sounds so weird....dun really say all this stuff....*scratches head*...haha...*laughs retardedly*....bt i tink u wun gt 2 read this....u dun usually read my blog.....aiya nvm...anyway....HAPPY FIFTEEN BIRTHDAY!!!!!=)=)

gibberish

2005-05-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

if all of u sees gibberish in my entry,it's chinese.no discrimination or anything.juz find it easier 2 express my feelings in chinese.if u cn read it,fine.if u cnt,no particular loss.最近，大家都怪怪的。可能是我自己疑心太重吧，但就是就是又是说话的时候气氛非常的尴尬。似乎是大家都隐藏了自己真正想说的话。再来就是某一个朋友，我已尝试联络她两天了。在msn上问候她等都没回答，sms也一样，加上我拜五因拉肚子没上学，根本没和她说话。现在不敢他电话给她。。。不知她是不是生我的气呢？？？*疑惑*我看我是越来越迟钝了。。以前的判断能力都不知道飞哪儿了。。。嗨。。。。。有时候想想，我这个人实在是很失败，什么事情都做不好，简直是一无是处。大家都说每个人诞生在这个世界是为了某一个原因，而人人都会有自己的优点及擅长的东西，你就是为了这些原因而活在这世上。。。怎么我没这种感觉呢？？？一点也没有。只觉得我这个人得过且过，过着无聊的日子。。人生实在没什么意义。。。到那天我才能够找到这些答案呢？？？嗨。。。

---悲观的馨仪

sorrow

2005-04-30T21:16:00.000+08:00

sec 3 eng mid yr paper 1 2005 qns 2.sorrow.wad's sorrow 2 u eh?to me,i think sorrow doesn juz bring abt crying jags.sure,crying seems the easiest thing 2 do 2 some,bt 2 some it juz doesn come naturally.crying is juz one of the most common forms of expressing sorrow.imagine,if a person was so so so so so grieved,he or she couldn cry anymore.wad would the person do?i believe that the person would feel a thousand needles piercing into his or her heart or the heart was being sliced opened etc...cnt u imagine the pain?i suppose at our "tender" age,normally we wouldn have experienced that feeling in our stage of life.that's y i didn write that.that was partially the reason.the oth part was that my brain had declared itself inapt of thinking of logical storylines suitable for exams.chinese exam also.so wrote exposition.shock.didn wanna write that.chinese wrote all of own opinion de.shiok.

2005-04-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

i'm cynical.sarcastic.wadever u call it.i noe i am.so if anyone says that,i'm nt surprised.anyway,getting back 2 the point.some ppl r juz so fake.dun wanna elaborate.juz quite pissed off.saying a thing n doing another.it has been the case 4 a while liao.juz stashed it in the back of my brain.nw i'm juz clearing the crap in it.cnt those ppl juz take off their mask??its nt lyk ppl cnt c it.they juz ignore it...bt we all noe better.false pretence doesn work on me.i'll juz reflect it back.

moving on 2 another subject,i juz tink that life is juz so damn unfair.some ppl have the world while oths gt crap.no matter wad u do,it doesn change.some ppl gt it n some dun.wad cn u do?bt we're already born into the world,so we'll juz have 2 accept the harsh reality n gt the heck out into the cruel world.crying is nth.onli wad's in ur heart n mind is true.the outer shell u show 2 others cn b altered artificially or naturally 2 gt the way u wan it,bt the true u will always b inside.try as u might,u cnt make it go away.u cn deceive everybody in the whole world,u can NEVER deceive urself.sooner or later u have 2 let ur true self gt hold of u n take charge.i cnt imagine who the hell cn live forever with a fake exterior.the person will crack eventually.so wad if i'm nt wad i wan 2 b?i was born with wad i have n i cn onli accept it.so wad if i'm reactive?so wad if i suck?so wad if i'm juz nth in ppl's eyes?i am myself n i plan 2 remain as i am.so kill me.

gossip

2005-04-23T16:57:00.000+08:00

f.i.r. new album rawks....anyway...tmr aft the boring ss lesson we (yp,th n me) went 2 kfc...2 eat n do hmwk...honestly..nv study much lo...stay there 3 hrs liddat tok tok tok..bt nt bad...v long nv tok so much liao...make my mouth so suan...haha...am i observant??mayb...if i really am...my "powers of observation" muz hav deproved....gotta hone it 2 perfection..haha...nah..probably nt...dun hav the energy 2..........

the end of something is another beginning.i hope.

sleep

2005-04-20T15:58:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna die.........almost everyday slp @ 2+am....cnnt tahan liao.............wan 2 die.....

yes.

2005-04-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

i finally pre-ordered both the items.the alarm clock n the dolls.dun say i'm mad or anytink.i noe i am.anyway,if u knew the price la.if u dunno den nvm.i would die 2 buy a pair of the limited edition daphne shoes.pity its onli in china.anyway,its nt lyk i'll realli wear it.probably juz worship it or something.ha.didn tok much today.as compared 2 normal days.was realli tired.bt didn give up.persisted.ha.so onli slpt lyk 2 mins lo.muz pia coordinate geog liao.sian.

puzzled..

2005-04-17T11:44:00.000+08:00

i dunno wad's up w/ every1 dis yr.every1 has their own probs.every1 chooses 2 shut up.wad has become of the class unity yada yada yada.i dunno.anyway,i'm nt sayin dat i'm nt liddat.i am.i'm trust phobic.nt any betta den the oths.side effects of last yr.i juz cnt shake off the feeling.this makes me put on a protective shield whenever i talk 2 ppl.its dat bad.i'm scared.i really am.

act blur.

2005-04-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

mm.i shld act blur ba.probably the best.lyk wad we learned in the HEY aka 7 habits 4 highly effective teens(youths).be proactive,nt reactive.woah!i actually learned something while crapping!*acts retarded*or else wad shld i do?go up n say &*^%#@!* meh.i'm nt gonna embarrass myself.furthermore,i'm nt that reactive anymore.more lyk a hibernating volcano.which means someday it'll erupt.depends hw soon.crapping 2 relieve the tension is a gd way,u'll seem stupid that way,bt things will b easier aft a laugh or 2.dun tink so much.nt putting much trust in *it*.depends.it takes 2 hands 2 clap.sounds metephorical n long-winded.bah.bt somehw i suppose some1 muz hav realised it le ba.juz waiting.a test.haha.evil me.bt i doubt anything will come out.or rather spill out.juz an evil tot:if wad i predicted came true,n i'm still nt informed of the subject which i already noe by the person directly involved,i'll probably laugh.n laugh.evil me.muahaha.sigh.this juz tells me that nt many ppl trust me.gr8 social skills eh?wad a "successful" person i am.

sports meet/international frenship day

2005-04-08T17:44:00.000+08:00

today was the sch sports meet.nt bad.though nt v enthu.today took lots of pics.rare.4 me.nt much energy left 2 speak.cuz screamed @ the sports meet n aft that go library laugh laugh laugh w/ siti.haha.bt still gt some work done.although we talked mostly rubbish,there was a subject that was serious.that's maths.nw i noe that if i fail maths,i may hav 2 go ite.stressed.think abt maths will think abt some1.bhatamia.gross.almost vomited when i walked past him.anyway,hope that sther will post the pics asap.gt some nice pics.haha.took pics w/ eupho sec.so happy.the pics quite nice.took a lot w frenz too.nt bad.haha.miss 2c1.=(

backwards.

2005-04-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

ever tot of writing a story backwards??as in rewind?today tried writing a few sentences n gt my brain twisted in a knot.during WRITE.was quite fun.made me consider abt taking up creative writing in the u.haha.bt no $ go overseas lo.feel sad.perhaps i shldn b liddat.perhaps i shld revert back.anyway,let me giv u a riddle.a person "swathed" in a "pool of blood".the ans is "eet ssalc ni em".laterally inverted.sigh.nxt yr i wun care abt it.tmr sports day.sigh.4 more days.hope cn achieve wad we wan.sometimes i will feel lyk confiding in ppl.although i trust them,i just cnt bring myself 2 say wad i really wanna say deep in my heart.i'm afraid of history repeating.i dun wan 2 spit out all my troubles n all 2 another person,onli 2 find that the person doesn even treat me the same way i treat the person.it makes me feel stupid n foolish.anyway,the tv prog sucks.honestly,the 1st student frm a particular gd sch thinks that he's so pro.(i dun wanna mention the sch name,da jia xin li you shu cn liao.)he uses his blog onli 2 vent his frustrations,hoping that his frenz will c.2 quote the "7 habits of highly effective teens",he's nt proactive at all.waiting 4 his frenz 2 c it.y doesn he juz go up n say it 2 their face?wad's the use?if u realli wanna tok abt it,then say it face 2 face.if u juz wanna tok cock,den write it in ur blog.that's the use.

stupid.

2005-03-31T19:28:00.000+08:00

the angbao is getting senile.me playin truant?!hahaha.nt funny.if i wanted 2 pon,i would hav done it long ago.y wait till term 2.stupid.lyk i wanted 2 fail.
= = = = =
recently go back 2 feeling super sian again.perhaps cuz of the 2 trips consecutively for 2 wks.den come hm pia hmwk.stressed out.dun feel lyk thinking abt anything.withdrawn.hope spirits will go up aft this wkend.i really hope that we will do our best in the syf.i hope i'll keep awake in class 2 gt gd grades.havn been slpin in class liao.definite improvement.juz hav 2 keep workin.hard.dunno y i've been feeling a lil left out.sorta out of place.bt weirdly enuff,i didn feel the same way i did last yr.perhaps its nt the same kind of "left out" or ita a diff situation ba.or its juz that i've changed.i feel lyk my observation sense has deteritorated.or juz buried under a pile of blankets.the sense doesn seem as sharp anymore.no "ting!" when things happen.lag.

expected.

2005-03-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

was expected.that i've failed my tests.expected.i'm juz such a disappointment.i aim 2 buck up as much as i cn.today's physics lesson was the onli lesson that i didn slp.i onli closed my eyes aft the bell rang.wad an achievement.nice.muz try 2 slp as much as i cn.muz keep awake no matter wad.use penknife 2 stab myself if i cn gt gd results dis way.i dunno wad i'm thinking.i dunno wad i wanna say.failure of logic.dunno wanna call who 2 talk 2.mayb i've developed a phobia in confiding in oths.

gg crazy.

2005-03-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

dunno.i'm thinking too much.forcing myself back into the old abyss of nowhere.dunno who to confide in completely.scared that secrets may spill.n i'll get into trouble.feeling pessimistic.dots.

kpo?lag?

2005-03-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

today was an ok day.started off quite badly,bt ended the evening quite happily ba.cuz somethings happened.haha.so funny.laughed so much.bt i tink shld b cnnt declare 2 ppl ba.dunno.muz ask.today,i saw some things dat perhaps i shldn c n found out somethings dat mayb i shldn noe.bleah.who noes.who cares.recently a lil lag.ppl noe le den i noe liddat.probably cuz of 1) dun bother 2 2) no energy 2 care 3) nobody wanna tell me.so,cn c hw pathetic i'm.nobody wanna tok 2 me.nice.

differences.

2005-03-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

i'm juz so different frm them.i'll nv b liddat.i dun hav the courage 2 change that much.i cnt help it.i juz wan 2 fade into the backgrd if i feel uncomfortable in a place or doing something i dun lyk.i'm a failure.

low iq

2005-03-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

i think i hav low iq or getting mentally retarded or getting senile.dunno which.u choose 1.my term 1 grades r so totally lyk shit.my msg is 4.75.hw pathetic is that?!if i go on liddat,i cn bade gdbye 2 my dream jc,dream major,dream job n whatnot.i'll b a failure in life.let my mum n dad support me forever.ya rite.my tests b4 the hols r......i dunno wad 2 say.my physics n a maths test?i cn onli say that i juz didn bring my stupid brain there.i dunno wad happened.i panicked.my mind went blank.n due 2 that,bye bye passes;hello failures,i was fated 2 b w/ u all.everytime i think of them.i feel lyk crying.i dunno wad i'll do when i gt them back.i think i'll have no face 2 face my mum.i really have 2 buck up.drag my mind out of the mud.WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!frm nw on,i resolve 2 pay full attention in class.i resolve 2 slap myself awake in history,physics n wadever lesson that makes me slpy.i resolve 2 try my best in every subjecy n nt slack.i resolve 2 minus my L1R5 by 5 frm nxt term onwards n continue minus-ing.finally,i resolve 2 go 2 tuition if i really have 2.T_T

apple.

2005-03-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

stupid.apple.they slashed the prices of ipods n ipods mini etc.nw my 4gb mini is onli worth $349.stupid.idiot.if i had waited 4 abt 4 months,i would hav gotten either a 6gb mini or 4gb mini w/ $$ left over 2 buy the in-ear headphones i wanted ages ago.stupid.apple.stupid.me.

shuddup.

2005-03-10T20:17:00.000+08:00

heong..dunno la...recently suddenly find that the small small world of mine is unbalanced.in fact,it has always been....but who's counting?so many things r changing..esp relations between frenz.wad was there isn there nw...wad wasn,happened nw.sounds complicated?wadever.today,suddenly tot of something.if u r a bad person,u might not b all bad.there mayb some gd points that redeems u.sigh.i tink all of u dun understand wad i'm saying.failure of logic.i juz...i juz...feel that a truckload of rubbish is weighing on my back,threatening 2 topple any minute...n,i juz dun feel lyk doing anything anymore.no point.completely no point.everyday repeats itself.i juz cnt gt the amount of rest i wan.it makes me feel irritated n slpy.i dun care abt a lot of things juz cuz i simply dun hav the energy 2..its nt that i dun wanna care.

every recess is a war.

2005-03-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

every recess is a war.no matter hw early ur teacher let u go off,there r always ppl so much earlier than u.sigh.4 upper sec onli lo.last time oso nt liddat.mayb its the prob w/ the recess time.so l8.11.00am lo.might as well eat lunch liao.liddat v nt gd 4 our digestive system lo.the sch shld consider changing sia.sian.so tired.so many things which i dun wanna do bt muz do.stupid.

a long time...

2005-02-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

waa....super long time nv blog liao,break record. a lot of things happened.dunno is i become retarded liao or wad...lyk a lil bit lag abt some things lo.bt overall still ok la...acadamic results sorta improving.in my own opinion lo.=p.haha.nw the lessons that r ok w/ me r english,chem and chi lit.as i said,chi lit is cuz no nd bring brain de+gt aircon+gt fried rice,haha,i think onli chi lit stdents noe wad i'm talking abt.muahaha.english is cuz of ms choa lo.she's a gd teacher.didn noe she oso gt notice me de sia.i tot she didn even noe my name.she lyk suddenly say that y i've changed dis yr.nt onli once.den reply her lyk "mm,ar?no la..".dunno wad 2 say ma..cnt say cuz i gt depression ar?haha.lame.anyway i've been sorta living in my own world n doing wad i wanna do.nt bad de feeling.carefree.lyk advertising.bleh.crap.=feel so slpy these days sia...u ask kiatchong u will noe liao...he everytime c me nodding off 2 slp de lo...yp oso..haha.sian..

sigh

2005-02-12T13:43:00.000+08:00

i dun gt the point that ppl cn b so bored 2 the extent of spamming ppl's blog....n den when ppl starts 2 criticise the person 2 giv him/her a taste of their own medicine.......we gt scolded back.nice 1 na.the person muz b realli crazy..i tink he/she hallucinates or sumtink.she where gt ac.i dun tink i'm gr8 at all.i'm juz a nobody who lyks 2 kpo.cnnt ar?!ur business izzit?!excuse me lo.i'm vulgar?!ya...i am.at least i admit it right?nt lyk a stupid,nth betta 2 do &%$#@ who makes things up and er ren xian gao zhuang.the pot calling the kettle black.

so damn bushuang.

2005-02-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

bushuang bushuang bushuang.grr.......

happy new yr...

2005-02-10T13:28:00.000+08:00

sigh....so long nv blog liao......v v long....so many things hav happened lo....dunno wad 2 say n hw 2 say......4gt it ba...dun wish 2 say anything abt it liao.....will juz make things worse......better if i keep quiet n pretend i nv c or hear anything.....

i've come to the conclusion that mel is not fierce.....haha....(that sentence was type by her.....)-_-"....anyway,i'm nw @ limin's hm.....gambling..........on a losing streak.......bleh....hope the gods in charge of money above cn bless me w/ gd luck n let me earn lots of $$$$$$$$$!!!!!!

bad wk...

2005-01-29T14:39:00.000+08:00

dis wk has been bad on the overall........kena punished by the super naggy,menopausal bitch.....she thinks she's the authority of everything ar?u're juz a level head lo.who r u 2 criticise my friends' acting.....would u lyk it if u put in a lot of work on some project n then u're criticised by the principal that ur project is juz a piece of shit?i dun think u will lyk it rite?we think that their acting is gd n that's all that matters...we're the majority of the audience....nt u......if u lyk exxagerated drama.....act it our urself...that's all i hafta say.

to siti:nt i nv talk abt u la......is lyk.....nw u also rarely c me talking abt any particular ppl in my blog......juz when i'm pissed off n etc.....i'm really gr8ful that u listen 2 me when i complain abt ppl n etc........it's juz that i dun voice it out.....sry....anyway,abt..........dun b so sad....there's always a silver lining in the darkest clouds...i believe it cn b solved de......tc....n if u hav anything 2 say,juz giv me a call lo....=)

sigh...these few days v sian......lyk gt a lot 2 say bt dunno wanna tell who.......sort of lyk.....if i tell her or her or her or her,wad will happen eh?gt a lot of insecurities pertaining 2 quite a lot of matters........sigh........at least my 1st official test of the yr still nt so bad......chem test results still ok.......these few wks lyk guo yi tian,suan yi tian liddat.......nth 2 look forward 2.....nth 2 b really happy abt........lyk a constant speed graph.........a straight line........no ups n downs..........boring.........feel lyk a leaf in the wind.........no pillar of support......been thinking if i wasn so responsible.........if i wasn the first-born......if i didn nd 2 do such n such.............sigh.......cn onli say something very vaguely as i dun wanna make things worse or create trouble.

stupid de lo.

2005-01-27T17:04:00.000+08:00

bleh.....today was a bad day......nth better 2 do........pissed off...........kns........sigh......last lesson of the day oso muz liddat........bt well,still nt too bad.......happier that i'm nt in the class.....more relaxed.....the whole class inside lyk so quiet............i wonder if they heard wad we said outside.......haha.........stupid 1 lo........people go toilet oso muz punish.......i tot she say cn?!wadever....i was smirking when we went out lo.........in the end she nv even teach anything.......juz go thru the zuoye ONLI..........blame it on her big mouth......talk talk talk non-stop.......den always hurry us...........X_X.........hmph.......today so sian........cnnt go 2 the hall 2 c joi chua n zhang dong liang........zdl nvm la........bt joi chua is our sch alumni.....kan kan yi xia ma..............so unfair de.....y sec 4s cn go we cnnt?!my sis say joi chua v thin,den she gt hug w/ mr eugene tan(aka mr gt golden egg) cuz mr tan her classmate ma......den he speak in manderin lo....wonder hw he sounded like.......shld b funny funny de.......during chem i tink th a lil irritated w/ me lo...............ok,i admit,i was v irritating..........making noise n all dat.......cuz i cnnt go hall.........sry ar th..........back 2 standing outside..........we crapped a lot outside lo.......talked 2 mr lau,ms wu.....mr chiang oso walked past......muz hav tot we all hmt de still liddat sia..........anyway,waited outside 4 1 hr lo.......my legs dunno y dun ache leh......gt prob liao............chey!tmr still gt hcl.----____----

Ps:to gl:sry if i was a lil rude juz nw......super pissed......n i didn wan 2 join lo...so i overreacted......sry sry sry sry.....................

dreary...

2005-01-20T19:49:00.000+08:00

the 3rd wk of sch has ended.....feeling so bored everyday....completely no lessons that i look forward 2 having......ss...sian.mt..lyk shit...chi. lit....no nd 2 bring brain....physics.....have 2 push up eyelids 2 stay awake....maths....dozed off as i was writing n thus caused a mess on my paper....chemistry.....exaggerating....cme....dun even gt me started....english.....our class so irresponsive......pe.....nt 1 of my best subjects.....3r...nth betta 2 do....so,aft all dis....i guess u cn pretty well c dat i'm nt v. interested in learning.....i tried.....bt nt v effective.....so many tests nxt wk......sigh....i may nt seem stressed bt in fact,i'm every bit as stressed as the ppl ard me......juz that i dun show it..........i dun wan wad happened last yr 2 happen again....so i muz work hard lo..........nw my mum n sis r slping liao.....so early......they muz b so tired......me three......bt i cnt.......muz do hmwk n revision............uber-boring.

add-on

2005-01-15T20:18:00.000+08:00

juz nw 4gt 2 say somethings.....heard somethings dis wk......dunno real or fake la.....bt seems lyk it 2 me.......both of them quite intimate liddat.....any1 noe wad i am saying?;).....n the guy's blog lyk everytime say until the gal.......haha.....juz bagua-ing yi xia.......ytd aft hearing wad ms yip said suddenly feel lyk.....i dunno....touched?a lil ba.......perhaps wad she said is juz wad all of us band members nd 2 hear........dat we're nt in anyway inferior 2 any band or anybody.....n dat we shld hav confidence in our playing........suddenly felt lyk everything was possible.....lyk i could play loudly n confidently,even if i made quite a lot of mistakes.........dunno wad happened 2 myself.......it's lyk a switch being turned on in my brain.......suddenly i'm nt so afraid of playing louder n making my sound more distinct......my attitude has definitely changed.

enthusiatic.

2005-01-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

dunno y suddenly today so enthu.last yr cca openhouse i was lyk so reluctant.den face black lyk hell.....bt dis yr ok lo.....keep gg off 2 advertise.......perhaps it's cuz dis yr no nd wear the stupid hi-heeled shoes....so more comfortable....yuxian n me keep por-ing the parents.....cuz easier 2 convince them than sec 1s.....den lyk v act liddat.......haha.......we act lyk v courteous,quiet,guai guai de.......haha.........then went hm......almost missed my stop......lucky i woke in time..so dead tired........den i v blur........banged my knee on the wall............damn pain........-_-"'...dun feel lyk doing hmwk leh....tmr den do......sigh....thinking of so many things.......trying 2 avoid them.....bt somehw they juz haunt me lyk a bad nightmare......juz keep popping in my mind......darn it......today was quite pissed off cuz of something......bt nt 4 long la.....cuz dun wanna bother myself over it......wad 4?no point.endof story.

OMG!!!

2005-01-09T18:32:00.000+08:00

omg...omg...omg........S.H.E is so chio!!!!!!!(although make-up quite a lot la...)...today woke up super early....then reached imm at 8am....went in the queue 4 the autograph session..........wait...wait....waited........until 10plus...den went 2 the cd shop near the stage 2 buy limin's cd+dvd 4 me 2 gt it signed......waited again........they finally gave out the no.s.........actually tot we were quite l8 liao.......bt stll 327,328 onli.......=_=......if i had known i wouldn go so early lo......had lunch.........den waited AGAIN........butt felt squashed........damn pain.den.....after a few long hrs,they finally came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!my sis actually had the cam bt as she didn c where they were coming frm,so i grabbed it frm her n took a short clip of their entry.......gt a few more gd shots....bt nt a lot......cuz of all the old people in front....beside dat gal keep elbowing me.....den as i was tiptoeing i almost lost my balance lo....den as their fans r mostly guys,which means dat they're much taller than us gals,we lost out....so difficult 2 take.sigh....den when we went up the stage i was so damn nervous sia......bt still,i shaked all their hands!!!!!!!=D=D....so happy.....den i think i stood a lil too long in front of hebe....cuz was looking at hw chio she was......(sounds les -_-")....anyway,i dun regret gg at all....although v tired,butt v pain etc......honestly if u think they're already v. chio in the pics,u shld c them in the flesh lo!!!!!!!!=)=)=)=)

Some Interesting Numbers:

No. of (cd+dvd)s/vcds signed:1000
No. of ppl:at least 3000 ba..
No. of hrs my sis n i waited:8hrs..
Price of cd+dvd:$18.90-$24.95(prices vary at different places

Anyway,i juz wanna say......S.H.E rAwKs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

attitude.

2005-01-08T15:25:00.000+08:00

i'm super pissed at someone right nw.wad's up w/ the attitude?!wad's up w/ the shouting?!cnt u c that wad ppl say is a way of caring 4 u??i bet u dun.idiot.i'm nt gonna tolerate it anymore.if u hav a problem w/ urself,dat's juz too bad.i'm nt gonna take any of ur sh*t.grow up,won't u?!

royally pissed

2005-01-06T17:25:00.000+08:00

wadever.being popular doesn mean anybody can call people names.forget it.cnt b bothered.been so damn stressed these days.bt the class is lyk so sian.so quiet.quiet until i feel like sleeping.fell asleep today while ms choa was talking.i think she saw,bt she didn say anything.i woke up on time.everything's so weird these days,be it people or situations.anyway,so many people cn be a pain in the a** at the "right" time n place.nw i'm nt like hw i was when i was in sec 1,so i'm nt gonna scream my head off.juz gonna act like nth has happened n everything has nth to do w/ me.so far,i've been doing wad i said.well almost.i havn been talking much to anybody in the class particularly.juz been talking to 2c1'o4 peeps.i hate stereotypes.

exaggeration?

2005-01-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

1st day of sch.....juz tired.....probably it's cuz this is the 1st day since the hols that i've been awake 4 so long....didn realli feel anytink much today....dun wanna care.sigh...mrs rajah our combined humanities teacher seh........sian.....today she talk so much.........as she was talking....i was slumping down lower n lower on the table lo......nth out of the ordinary happened.juz perhaps that mayb people shldn tink so much lo......sometimes its juz a psychological factor...probably nobody was even tinking that way.u shld probably noe who u r.....juz relax n dun tink so much.=)

avoiding

2004-12-30T14:47:00.000+08:00

mayb i am avoiding a lot of things by saying i dun care or dunno or heck la etc etc.....bt i believe i'm nt the onli 1.......no particular meaning by that statement,juz a matter of fact *shrugs*.....perhaps i think that by doing this,i wun hav 2 deal w/ things....bt by pushing all the things 2 one side of the brain,it's lyk throwing things into 1 corner of the storeroom or attic....things will even stack up 2 a big big pile n then,in the end,topple over n kill u -_-.anyway,i'm STILL doing my hmwk,so u all out there betta wish me luck lo.......i'm gonna die............(=_="')......so i think i wun b coming online till nxt wkend......so i'd betta put my new yr resolutions nw........

2005 Resolutions:

-improve maths.

-not flare up over little things

-try not to make comments

-try to think before opening big mouth

-to be happy,even if it means that i have to crack jokes to myself to laugh

-not be rash

etc....probably will add somemore as the yr goes by.

reflections.

2004-12-23T16:58:00.000+08:00

i.muz.nt.do.stupid.or idiotic.things.anymore.i.muz.focus.on.my.hol.hmwk...today went back 2 sch 4 sis's orientation w/ mum n sis.weird.i dun seem 2 mind that much that she's in the same sch as me.dunno y.perhaps i was worried unduly.aft that went 4 brunch w/ them.then lugged a load of uniforms etc etc 2 mac 2 find the oths 2 go gl's hm w/ my sis.had a gr8 time lame-ing ard n eating laksa.haha.nice.saw yiwen!!!!=)4 the 2nd time.christmas present frm gl.haha.i believe my sis was ok w/ them ba.shld b.wasted all my energy on lame jokes etc.upon reflection i think that sometimes i talk w/out thinking 1st,aka "jiang hua mei jing guo da nao".so mayb somethings i said came out lyk a jab or something.sigh.muz refrain frm doing that.muz.change.

realistic much?

2004-12-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

saw something that made me think that some people can be so darn realistic.for example,like talking to some people only when the person can gain something out of it or maybe when they are of use.so xian shi.sigh.i guess people are more or less like that now.society ba.not it's bad or good.just saying as a matter of fact.now i don't bother about saying about the events that happen in my life le.at least not much.got the idea that maybe people don't even wanna know about it,so why waste time?now i just say what i wanna say at that particular point of time.makes it so much more easier.i've learnt not to write so much crap.in case people misunderstand your meaning or anything.less talk=less trouble.gonna stick by that no matter what.try la.sigh.kinda miss my mum liao.

thinking

2004-12-15T20:59:00.000+08:00

sometimes when i come across the blogs of people and read what they say what they want and hope for etc,i think that they probably don't know how lucky they are.but come to think of it,who am i to say that about them??i'm also like that.most people are.they only see themselves.there are so many unfortunate people out there,starving to death or just struggling to survive.we should treasure what we have and not complain about what we don't.i just think that envying each other does not help anything.each person has their own good points and bad.nobody is perfect.not everything goes the way you want it.you'll just have to accept it as part and parcel of life.perhaps the people reading this might be thinking:"what is this girl preaching about?!she's just 14,for god's sake!"i know i'm 14,not 40.but somehow i don't understand somethings.i'm just saying all this to make myself feel better and wake up ba.i don't know.just feel like sitting back and detach myself from all the things.no comments=no misunderstandings=no ugly fights or arguements etc=peace.

darn.

2004-12-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

shoot!the electricity gt cut off cuz of the rain.had 2 scamper down 2 gt the torch.damn.

weirded out.

2004-12-10T21:09:00.000+08:00

i suddenly rmb someone's blog making a comment abt other ppl's blog.wun say who,bt i agree w/ that person.nt gonna elaborate or i'll juz land myself in trouble again.wondering if i shld send an email or call someone.it's raining nw.sometimes when it rains,i think abt some words that ppl said to me.dunno y,bt it juz does.pops out of my mind........anyway,guess i'll hav a gd slp tonite.w/ the rain pattering n all.

help?

2004-12-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

dunno if this helps but i'm juz giving some advice.if u dun wanna take it,it's fine.no hard feelings or anything.anyway,i wun even noe if u c it,rite?n i'm juz an outsider who knows absolutely nth abt the situation.so a stupid idiot is juz going on.crying does not solve the problem.i noe that when ppl are sad,they cry.it's natural.but crying in excessive amounts makes ppl think that u're pathetic.so brace up.life does not stop n wait 4 u juz bcuz u're sad that u've quarreled w/ an impt person in ur life nw.try 2 analyse the situation as an outsider n 4 all u noe,things may juz seem clearer.anyway.that's dr. psycho rambling,so u cn take the advice or leave it.n btw,if u nd 2 talk,u noe hw 2 contact me.but of cuz,u hav so many ppl caring 4 u so u dun nd me,i suppose.so that's that.tc.

no comment.

2004-12-09T16:12:00.000+08:00

i-muz-keep-my-big-mouth-shut.no comments on anything.even if i do,i'll juz act blur.that's to prevent the conventional quoting from people and getting myself in hot soup or water or whatever.no more blabbering.no more talking-without-going-through-the-brain.juz keep my butt out of other's business.

i'm feeling so damn crappy nw.

2004-12-09T14:27:00.000+08:00

this sucks....y muz god create woman like this?!(erm..no offense to the person up there...juz venting my frustration.)sigh...no point in saying all this....anyway,siti,hope u'll hav a gd time at bali.....buy lots n lots of stuff!=)dun feel like lifting a finger to do hmwk nw...actually,nt at any point of time during the holiday bt will b forced to.sigh.there's no way i'm going to be able finish half of the hmwk b4 the band break ends.so sry,th.juz been listening to music on n on n on this days.waiting for ppl to call...ya,n btw,ytd,someone called.so i guess my prediction was pretty accurate.been thinking abt wad will happen nxt yr.hope all that i thought wun happen.ever.anyway.i hope to live by this quote nxt yr:the more you know,the less you say.that will ensure that nt happens.

oh..

2004-12-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

oh...so they didn go...nt fun de...

ok.

2004-12-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

i try to be polite n wad do i gt?a load of crap.ok.actually,nth.i'm nt gonna try anymore.no point.mayb wad i tink n another party tinks is different.i bet lots of things happened today at a place called the library.which 1.it's ur pick.i'm nt bothering to upd8 myself on wad happened.waiting for ppl to call..i tink some will.....pretty soon.gg for dinner....let's see wad will happen.....=)

eh?

2004-12-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

i guess i cn live without my hp nw....i didn even check it 4 a whole day...juz left it in my bag...onli rmb-ed at night.....saw th's msg....was kinda shocked abt the content....i mean i totally didn expect it.......i still dun realli believe it......since its lyk,u chose 2 ask other ppl rather than juz asking the person..wadever...mayb it's juz me being childish.....i dunno........bt honestly,saying i dunno is juz my way of avoiding the subject n refusing 2 think in depth abt it.....it's lyk a reflex....of the mind....i'm trying hard to change myself....in a lot of ways.....even though ppl think i dunno wad they think abt me,i sort of do....observation.....sometimes i hate myself 4 being myself....i've heard something which says that if u hate yourself enuff,you'll change or something liddat...i've also heard something which goes along this line lyk there are 2 types of ppl,one who sees everything in black and white and the other as grey...something liddat la......bt in my own words ba......i'm the type of person who believes in fairness.....everything has to be in black and white,right or wrong,no in-betweens,lyk grey.......i juz cnt help it..bt i'm trying.nw it's better,lyk when you smudge pencil marks on a piece of paper......trying 2 take everything neutrally.....cut my hair today.....no change....just shorter.....nth more to say.

dot.dot.dot.family of dots.

2004-12-01T17:53:00.000+08:00

blank mind.....so i'd tot i'd put that as the title....since i guess out of the blogs i've seen,mine is the 1 with the most dots...n yx has been saying it...haha....juz wanna b neutral nw......bt honestly,if anyone could,they could b a buddha liao.....i juz cnnt......ppl w/ an overimaginative mind have a hard time......cuz if u c one object or a tink,it will sumhw rel8 2 wad's on ur mind.....is having a normal n simple life so difficult?i guess nt....4 sum ppl.......hw i wish i'm the happy-go-lucky type.....sigh....juz try nt 2 tink abt tinks ba....concentrate on hmwk n what i hav 2 do.....

new blog..

2004-11-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

tot i'll change my blog.....since i'm no longer in 2c1...this also signals a brand new start ba...erm...the url signifies nth at all....dunno wad 2 put as the url so juz put anytink....

blabbering

2004-11-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

tmr gonna hav band.....the time changed frm morn 2 aftnn......sigh...hafta wake up early again.......-_-.....anyway,i'm gonna say gd tinks abt yuxian liao...cuz she asked me too....in her tags.......(mutters:so bhb....sigh)...haha...ok la...here goes.....hey senior...thx 4 all the help u've given me.......n making me laugh w/ ur jokes n all....i really appreciate it....dunno hw i will b in band nxt yr w/out u...haha...realli...den onli left me n genesis n the juniors......*boohoo*...n btw,nt i press the key until so many dots....its cuz i'm a v sian person....so type oso sian sian de...haha....crap....anyway,did ur lito-b win???haha...muz tell me....k la....dun crap liao......btw,to all the ppl reading this....the skin doesn mean anytink except that i like the skin...think wadever u wan...i dun care.=

skin...

2004-11-30T17:18:00.000+08:00

i changed the skin juz cuz i like the skin...quite cool.....although its quite depressing.......bt sumhw,i lyk depressing skins.