Esther Ng
14
3d1'o5
Clementi Town Symphonic Band
Euphoniumist

Leo:
Broadminded & Expansive
Enthusiatic & Lively
Ambitious & Creative
Generous & Warm-hearted
Faithful & Loving
*Natural sense of Drama*
Color:Golds,Reds & Royal colors
Flower:Sunflower & Marigold
Gemstone:Ruby
[the above info of a leo are from yingpeng's bookmark~=)]
(os:wonder if the qualities apply to me...hehe)

Being yourself ain't easy.at all.Don't expect from others what you yourself cannot achieve. Reflect.I'm nt a believer no more.Don't assume anything of me that you don't know.
I've changed.For good reason.

Wishlist
-lie on a freshly-cut field,
staring at the sky frm morn till night,
without caring abt the grass stains l8r
-be myself?
-less responsibilities?
-less stress?
-relieve personal pressure.

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Saturday, July 02, 2005

into a state of depression n feeling withdrawn again.dun wanna feel this way.feel lyk shit.feel lyk thumping my head on the wall.lyk real.nt really.juz feel lyk clearing up the tots in my hate.is it normal to think so much?y cnt i juz let go.it's lyk a horrible nightmare acting up everynw n then.i feel fatigued dealing w all the crap in front of me.eyesores.lots of them.sometimes i dun even noe wad i am doing.trying to spite myself.act as if nth happens inside me.acting as if i dunno everything.ignoring the obvious.ignoring the hurt.ignoring everthing.the gaping hole nv closes.sometimes it closes a lil,onli to open up even further.someday,it'll juz take me w it,leaving me insane.trying so hard 2 voice out wad i feel inside.cnt.splitting headache.whenever i wish to open my mouth,i'm afraid that word vomit will act up n i'll spill everything.whether i wish to say them or nt.i have to consider the options n consequences of that.so i'll juz shut up.by n by,i hav developed a disorder of some kind.dunno hw 2 say them to others so i'll juz hafta blog.

completely disappointed.tot it wun happen again but it did.guess i was deceiving myself.it's hard,but essential.its not worth the energy.lyk the ball theory i had.if u bounce a ball against a wall,it will only bounce back to hit u right in the face.if u try it again n again,it will hurt more n more,till the point where u juz break down.hw i would lyk 2 hav someone to talk to me right nw at this time.nw.this very minute.someone who understands n advises.i'm feeling really helpless right nw,honestly.i dun really noe wad i am doing or thinking or typing n i dun really noe if i'll regret typing this entry.i hope i'm nt getting depression.