Esther Ng
14
3d1'o5
Clementi Town Symphonic Band
Euphoniumist

Leo:
Broadminded & Expansive
Enthusiatic & Lively
Ambitious & Creative
Generous & Warm-hearted
Faithful & Loving
*Natural sense of Drama*
Color:Golds,Reds & Royal colors
Flower:Sunflower & Marigold
Gemstone:Ruby
[the above info of a leo are from yingpeng's bookmark~=)]
(os:wonder if the qualities apply to me...hehe)

Being yourself ain't easy.at all.Don't expect from others what you yourself cannot achieve. Reflect.I'm nt a believer no more.Don't assume anything of me that you don't know.
I've changed.For good reason.

Wishlist
-lie on a freshly-cut field,
staring at the sky frm morn till night,
without caring abt the grass stains l8r
-be myself?
-less responsibilities?
-less stress?
-relieve personal pressure.

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Thursday, June 30, 2005

today was quite a bad day.gt drenched in the rain.only discovered that i got the flu now.stupid me.damn slow reaction.probably because i rarely get sick.
english lesson was a disaster.made a big fool of myself.i don't know why i acted that way.nervous like hell.today was the worse case of stage fright i got since like,pri 2?that time i cried when the teacher asked me to sing something.that's hw bad the stage fright is.sigh.i wonder when i can overcome it.today was so damn humiliating and disappointing.i could have done so much better.sigh.my legs and hands were shaking like hell.my voice went into depths that i didn know.sounded like a guy,for god's sake.those words that i could pronounce usually just couldn come out up there.i sounded monotone i think.stammered through the whole damn speech.in all,i was a failure.
anyway,after the humiliating incident,it was on to history.yes,boring history.i doubt anyone was listening to mrs rajah rattling on.pity her for that.anyway,i just read the later chapters and talked to siti and tsuhui as i had nothing better to do.
maths was hilarious.mrs tan seemed more cheerful after the holidays.don't know why.but i hope this continues."monday,eh,tuesday,eh,friday".haha.
after school stayed back to repay my favour to tsuhui.beeteng and me bought a bag of banana chips and walked up to the third floor by the science block to find yingpeng,munching and talking on the way.missed her.she went home le.sigh.felt so sorry about that.then returned to the canteen to talk some more.when we couldn stand the smelly bleach/chlorine solution used to wipe the tables,we went to the logs.met siti on the way.and heard something i thought i would never hear from my friend.all i can say is "see no evil;hear no evil;think no evil".haha.nc-16.changed a little bit from the original one.crapped and gossiped a little.siti helped me say something i wanted to say long ago to ms choa.haha.tsuhui came prancing to the logs a while later.talked even more.basked in the comfy atmosphere of some of the friends i can trust.not as tiring as having to put up a front.wonder when we can have sessions like this again.qidai-ing.
today's experience taught me a lesson.i really have to build up my confidence and speak up loudly in front of people.whether i know them well or not.my skin will have to grow thicker.
i hate stress and responsibilities.i want to regain my life as a slacker in school.not in grades,but in other activities.it seems inreachable and so impossible.can anyone just play along with me and let me drown in only the happiness of pressure-free rest just for a minute?just a minute..
i have to be with people who are natural to be natural,to be myself.people with a mask on?i'll just do the same.

so long never type so much le.so huai nian.recently got to know a little more about some people around me.found out that being myself isn that bad.but i am myself.i was myself then,i am myself now.it all depends on people's perspective.i was confused about whether i was myself a while back but now after thinking it over,i think that i have changed with the circumstances and the surroundings.but i'm still myself.one day,i will be comfortable in my own skin.some day.