Esther Ng
14
3d1'o5
Clementi Town Symphonic Band
Euphoniumist

Leo:
Broadminded & Expansive
Enthusiatic & Lively
Ambitious & Creative
Generous & Warm-hearted
Faithful & Loving
*Natural sense of Drama*
Color:Golds,Reds & Royal colors
Flower:Sunflower & Marigold
Gemstone:Ruby
[the above info of a leo are from yingpeng's bookmark~=)]
(os:wonder if the qualities apply to me...hehe)

Being yourself ain't easy.at all.Don't expect from others what you yourself cannot achieve. Reflect.I'm nt a believer no more.Don't assume anything of me that you don't know.
I've changed.For good reason.

Wishlist
-lie on a freshly-cut field,
staring at the sky frm morn till night,
without caring abt the grass stains l8r
-be myself?
-less responsibilities?
-less stress?
-relieve personal pressure.

Name

URL or Email

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Tagboard

Asyikin
Alicia
Amirah
Bee Teng
Cindy
Chloe
Dina
Guolian
Genesis
Huimin
Ivy
Jessica
Jia Da
Jia Hui
Julia
JunRong
Juvena
Kiat Chong
Limin
Melissa
Melvin
Michael
Pei Shi
Pei Sin
Shahrul
Shaun
Shirlyn
Siti
Sther
Szeling
Teck Sing
Vanessa
Victoria
Wee Chee
Yijun
Yiming
Ying Hao
Yuxian

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

i'm throwing this into the bin.
probably wun update till who knows when.
not in the mood to update.
a lot of reasons.
blah blah blah.
wadever.
i'm not having another blog,juz not updating this.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

that's just great.frm who knows when it started,ipod mini is no longer available on the market.at least after the stocks are cleared.great.just great.its prices will drop like hell.again.here comes the new ipod nano which is SO incrediblely slim.sigh.apple sucks.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

it's pouring right nw.sian.no matter hw will gt wet.stupid.hope it stops when i go out.dunno if wad we predicted will happen.90% chance ba..from the analysis of the particular character.bet it will.sigh.reluctant.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

feel v tired...realli feel lyk quitting everything and leaving everything behind.....run off somewhere quiet to slack..wait till the day i feel fine enough to come back...lyk i cn do that.sigh.juz a dream.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

i dread tmr's talk.i dread the arrival of september.i dread chem.i dread physics.i dread band.

ytd i had a horrible dream..i dreamt that during band prac i shouted till my voice was hoarse,until i couldn speak at all..and no one was listening..they were scuttling around like rats...how horrific is that...in the end...my hands were at my throat and i was crying like mad....i dunno why i had that dream...its.......i really hope it doesn happen.

i dont want september to arrive.its childish i noe.we cant stop time.but i cant think of any other way to stop "the thing" from happening.i thought it would only happen next year.suddenly,boom,it happens.i really dont get parents.how could they.children have human rights too,cant they make their own choices?you seem to be throwing something around.i dont get it.i really dont.this equals to adoption.almost.if the person were you adults,wont you feel hurt?unable to make your own choices and being treated like a puppet.i feel really sad.sad about it.I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN!I WANT THINGS TO STAY AS IT IS!pls...i dont want her to go.

tmr is the weekly talk.i dunno how am i suppose to talk.i dont know what i am going to say."oh,nothing happened last wk and hi!".fat hope of that happening.is there a way to get out of it....?its not like i'm heartless or anything but for goodness's sake,he hurt my feelings,ok?!he made it out like i'm an ungrateful bitch or something.god.

i think i'm getting paranoid and oversensitive and all that shit.maybe it'll all add up to depression.did a personality test supposedly by experts online...pretty true ba..said i'm a blue person who always likes to think too much and all...it advised me to just be myself.it also said that i'm acting like i dont care about everything but actually,i do care about everything,its just that i'm deceiving myself.like "out of sight,out of mind".that's true.sigh.avoiding things is the easiest way out,i suppose.but it doesn seem so to others.i think i'm becoming very odd.even i think that myself, what about others?they probably think i'm raving mad or something,laughing at one time and the whole pissed off face at another.i dont know.i dont know how to face somethings and some people.i just cant let go.i'm becoming more and more like a hermit.i think i'm going mad.mad.starking mad.

i dont know who i can rely on.everything has changed.sometimes what i feel is at the tip of my tongue,ready to slide out.but my crazy mind has the lunatic idea that spitting it out is wrong,so down it goes again.so it acumulates and acumulates till i feel like vomiting them all out.i'm scared of showing my "true colours".i'm scared of people being judgemental.i'm scared of my own insecurities.i'm a coward.

sometimes i just feel i'm nobody in people's eyes.i'm invisible sometimes.i can be like beside someone but people will just say hi to the person.even if i know the person.iit hurts my self-esteem.stab stab stab.shut up.i'm a lunatic.i dont even get myself.let alone others.

Monday, August 08, 2005

stupid de.two times in two days.break record.normally a few months oso dun hav 1 time de.this sucks.gt scolded 4 nth.lyk i'm a useless gd-4-nth who onli relies on her parents.n dun even mention abt cancelling my hp line,reducing my allowance n sending off my notebook.i'll rather smash my notebook on the ground then hand it over.at least i'll get back the hard disk.it contains too much things le.wtfwtfwtf.its nt my prob at all.its someone's own assumption n the damn wide generation gap n lack of communication.wad u expect?hw many yrs le?lyk i will/cn tell u wad happens everyday in my TEENAGE life.be thankful that i didn get into drugs or anything bad.(juz letting off steam.nt planning on doing anything of that sort.)

damned pissed.questioning my ability as a sister is one thing.saying hurtful things which i didn do at all thus hurting my ego is another thing.MY IDOLS ARE COMPLETELY ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER!i wouldn put them in front of my family, for god's sake.y did u have 2 pull them into the topic!

if u say i dun understand u,y nt ask urself if u understand me.i'm nt the little girl i was which u think i am.we're nt kids relying on u all for everything anymore.we hav our own decisions and things to do.if u think school is easy,try it urself.the social school hiarachy is nothing lyk before.its nt as simple as u think it is.school work isn easy anymore.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

i think ppl wun b able 2 c this entry cuz i'll b using chinese traditional 2 type...it'll come out as a messed up code..

忽然感到很沮喪...起伏太大...情緒一只起起落落，一下子高興得要死，一下子卻又跌到谷底.不知道爲什麽我會這樣.很累，很不喜歡這樣的我.我不想再這樣下去.壓力很大.責任更大.什麽都落在我頭上，什麽都是我的錯.算了，我認命了吧，一切的一切的是我的錯，都是我的錯... .... .... ...